Minimizing the Pain of Rejection

Minimizing the Pain of Rejection 

We all experinece feeling rejected at some point.  It may be a small thing that is easy to overlook.  Or it may be something more significant, like feeling ignored by your partner, or something hurtful said during an argument.  Rejection can hurt.  In fact, brain scans show stimulation in the same part of your brain with rejection as with physical pain. 

You can’t completely avoid the pain of rejection, but you can have some control over how much and how long it hurts.  In relationships, it is important to explore the your partners emotions that may be driving the words or actions that feel like rejection.  Following are some ways to avoid making the pain worse. 

                 Don’t Turn the Criticism on Your Self

Instead of negatively labeling or blaming yourself, it can be helpful to realistically look at what happened.  That is constructive thinking and not destructive to your mood and self-image.  Be as kind to yourself as you would be to a friend who had suffered rejection.

                           Revive your Sense of Self-Esteem

When you suffer a rejection, you can raise your sense of self-esteem or self-worth by emotionally supporting yourself.  Focusing on your positive qualities, those that make you good person, friend or partner can reduce your pain and help you feel more confident.

                                                      Focus on Social Connections

Rejection can threaten your feeling of being accepted by and connected to others.  Your initial impulse when you are sensing rejection may be to withdraw from others.  But, reaching out and socializing with friends and family can be a more positive response.

                                                                                In Your Relationship

If you feel a sense of rejection as a result of something your partner has done or said, or by a lack of attention or interaction, it is important to let them know how you are interpreting and feeling about what has happened.    Checking in with them and getting some clarity is important.  Sometimes what looks like rejection, for instance when your partner doesn't seem to be present with you, might be preoccupation, stress, or your partner feeling disconnected, and not sure how to reach out to you.    

Taking the first step of believing that you have some control over how you react to percieved rejection can begin the process of accessing your strength and taking positive action. 

Reference: Dawn Kim on TED

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